End housing benefit: improve gene pool!
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, local egghead Student Arkady throw plenty light on UK Prime Minister David Cameron benefit proposals.
“Ending housing benefit for the under 25s,” he say. “Capping numbers of children you get child benefit for. Brilliant ideas, Pavel. But widely misunderstood. Commentators like Peter Hitchens say the UK benefits system incentivises poor people to spawn, get council houses and avoid work. Cameron himself has echoed this language. But it is a cover. A charade.”
“Why?” I ask.
“The UK and US have among the highest teenage birth rates in the developed world. Both have posted figures consistently above (and often well above) 30 per 1000 over the last decade. But they have less generous welfare systems than many European counterparts, especially in Scandinavia. Where teen birth rates are much lower. In Sweden, it is in single figures. Now some commentators argue that low rates often stem from a mix of supportive and targeted welfare provision and comprehensive sex education. And they point to sub-Saharan Africa. No sex education, limited birth-control programmes, no welfare. And astronomical levels of teenage pregnancy.”
“So, I not understand. Surely this all mean Cameron wrong.”
“Why?”
“Well answer to teenage pregnancy is more welfare, maybe better welfare, and better, erm [cough] sex educating.”
“That would be the obvious conclusion,” respond Arkady. “And the wrong one. Have you seen Smolensk Sun this morning Pavel?”
“Well, only lottery numbers. And the, erm, [cough] sex education, on third page.”
“Then you will have missed the leak from Downing Street. The Sun reports that Cameron is prepared for this attack on his policy and has commissioned a new study. It will be published next week. It reveals astonishing new data.”
“What it say?”
“The study, conducted by an American academic, Charles Murray, concludes that owing to peculiar mutations within the UK lumpenproletarian gene pool, underclass Britons are 642 times more fertile than middle-class ones, and 235 times more than their counterparts across the G20. They are also 854 times more, erm, inclined.”
“Eh?”
“Rampant. Horny. Up for it. Can’t stop themselves. Even if they tried. Make rabbits look like eunuchs. Consider. The average 16 year old male on a UK sink estate masturbates 37 times per day.”
“That sound about right.”
“And by 17, he will have his own harem, comprising what the report calls ‘at least a dozen bitches’. And the bit-, erm, teen females, will often have as many as six sexual partners. In the same day.”
“Wow!” I say. “I want have my teenage life all over again. In Britain.”
“Furthermore,” continue Arkady, “The genetic make-up of the average UK sub-prole makes them many times likelier than other Britons or overseas comparators to be violent, greedy, feckless, lazy, ill-mannered, oblivious of the rights of property, illiterate in English (as well as Latin and Greek), ignorant of the King James Bible, and also an astonishing 942 times more disposed to dress, speak and behave in a manner offensive to Paul Dacre. They also possess on average an IQ of 56. Underclass teens are thus inherently resistant to reason, education, exhortation, benefit programmes, or indeed any attempts to reform their behaviour and make them industrious or continent using economic, social or information stimuli. Which means…”
“Which mean Swedish solution not work in UK.”
“Exactly. The study justifies completely the otherwise apparent defiance of evidence and logic in Cameron’s policy.”
“But wait. I confuse again. End their benefit won’t make them work and stop have babies either.”
“Quite right Pavel. Nothing will. The study shows that attempts to place feral and fertile youths in work schemes have all ended in failure. Some male placements wasted time sexually propositioning factory machinery, forklift trucks, well stacked shelves of Weetabix, or got their Ivans caught in office printers, while females often spent their day pleasuring their ushankas with barcode readers. And secret initiatives authorised by Iain Duncan Smith to overcome lumpenprole intellectual deficiencies through subliminal messages on work and abstinence embedded in TV programmes all failed too. An episode of The Only Way is Essex commissioned by DWP to create positive images of careers in beauty therapy simply caused confusion. Huge numbers of hormonal teens, male and female, reported to their local job centres and asked for a new vajazzle.”
“So, I, erm, so…”
“Pavel. The purpose of cutting their benefits is revealed in some graphs and tables at the end of Murray’s report. It is not to get these people into work. It is to improve the UK gene pool. After all, remove someone’s benefits, and they will be unable to eat, will end up on the streets, or in the flat where their parents live. Together with the inevitable array of unfunded children and countless sex partners that go with their genetic underclass disposition to breed. Fights will break out among the very extended families living in overcrowded homes or between street people, over food and more especially over important resources: drugs, nicotine, drink. Reduced spending power will see these products diminish in quality and become more dangerous. Already B&Q is preparing for a surge in turpentine and solvent sales. And the underclass will go on and on pursuing its lusts. Youngsters will fornicate and fornicate, breed and breed, become ever more diseased, produce more and more dependent and unbenefited bastards, increasing the demand for resources, while their access to supplies gets ever worse. Malthusian analysis dictates that…”
“They will die…”
“Population will indeed decline. Usefully, some will even be proactive in this regard, as suicides and murders increase. Thus the gene pool will be improved and the UK will comprise only hard-working, intelligent and sexually continent families.”
“Clever. Why don’t we do same thing in Russia?”
“We are doing, Pavel. What else do you think alcoholism and our AIDS epidemic are for?”
