Dave Rave at Jimmy Diddle
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop we plenty impress by UK Prime Minister David Cameron attack on Jimmy Carr.
We read in Volga News that when Cameron hear Carr said he only pay tax he have to, PM so furious he spill coffee. First time Jimmy Carr’s act make someone wet themselves.
Now in Smolensk, we got no problem with clamp down on tax avoid. For when happen, we applaud public spirit motivation. Then evade. Local oligarch Big Oleg (he own my shop) is laundrette our money through contacts in finance crime capital of world. City of London.
We sure Cameron make big lead on this. He attack any company that vilely and legally avoid tax using 2012 Budget exempting of oversea subsidiary. He supervise new anti-avoid provision “GAAR” (called this in imitation of sound avoider make when discover they now evader) so work proper. GAAR “double reasonableness” test stop tax arrangement which “cannot reasonably be regarded as a reasonable course of action”. This be enforce using reasonable as define by David Cameron. Not by, say, Gary Barlow. (Or should I say Gary Barlow OBE OBN FFS). And not even by what HMRC official see as reasonable at end of champagne lunch with large mobile phone company (assuming can see anything at all).
And he go further. Cameron, who agree with President Hollande on almost everything, will personally repatriate French people seeking residence in London to avoid 75% wealth tax. He will welcome voluntary “Big Society” tax refunds. Anyone who benefit from 5p cut in top rate of tax will hear Cameron rhetoric and use tax gains to fund local hospital, school, or to top up benefits of poorest. Tory advisers like Sir Philip Green and Lord Ashcroft will gather up their tax avoid proceed and put into Sure Start Centres. And Cameron himself make thorough examination of financial inheritance so he clear he and family never benefit from questionable tax arrangement – and if did, will do decent thing, dignified thing, Hazel Blears thing, and write cheque.
Of course many things happen in life where people do something technically legal, play to whistle, enter legal contract, but injustice happen. And everyone know it. Cameron got such moral clarity, we certain he pursue justice here too. He will call for England to replay Ukraine to address problem of equaliser avoidance. His government will restore Parthenon Marbles. And special ambassador Sir Ian Botham will be sent to Australia bearing letter of apology and millions in compensation for horrors of Bodyline.
Then, in most radical step, Britain will renounce sovereignty over Falkland Islands. Not to Argentinians of course. They not belong there either. No. To natural inhabitants.
The penguins.
