Osborne Tax Miracle
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop we applaud George Osborne decision cut top rate of income tax to 40p in Budget.
Of course, some fool criticise Osborne for leak this, together with other measures he plan announce. (Like proposal to use retirement of Rowan Williams as opportunity for slim down and outsource Anglican Clergy delivery contract to Christianity’s popular commercial arm, Rev.) After all, local egghead Student Arkady remind me that socialist – or more accurately, as Commissar Andreyev used say when I at Smolensk Academy in 70s, “post-Bernsteinian revisionist bourgeois sentimentalist deviant imperialist lackey” – Chancellor Hugh Dalton is resign for disclose detail of 1947 Budget information seconds before his speech.
But Osborne is know benefit of leak for UK economy immediate. Signal clear. Chancellor believe it impossible get tax revenues from rich since they shield income in tax efficient offshore refuge. So aim is gradually reduce tax on wealthy to feasible collectible level. 0%.
This make UK tax paradise! Wealthy no more need move their crown jewels from one loophole to another, like William Roache seeking relief. Instead, they bring back monies to UK and invest in project for common good.
Effect instant. Smolensk oligarch Big Oleg got many British interests (recently win massive catering and build/operate waste disposal contract - including reinforced electric bidet - for Digby Jones). Previously he manage all his UK profit with big prudent: some sewn into Michael Ashcroft scrotum, some hidden up Boris Johnson. (Mayor want City of London thrive, whatever it do, wherever it get money, so he safer, friendlier and more tax efficient depository and suppository than Ken Livingstone’s company. Oleg men secrete money as Boris turn his blind eye when Oleg present him with token of esteem, luxury wiff waff table, emboss with Eton motto, Futuimus anos pauperum pro bono patriae.)
But now Oleg and his surgeons plan recover money and use like all benign capitalist: put something back in Britain! He kickstart economy for Vince Cable. Buy Rangers and transform Ibrox into nightclub for Presbyterian lapdancing. Join Paddy “We Take Your Money Then Ridicule Your Socioeconomic Group” Power in takeover and sex up of Crufts, developing spread betting opportunity in new “last hound standing” dangerous dogs category. Replace windfarms for Simon Jenkins, James Delingpole and Donald Trump by put workfare interns on sustainable dynamo treadmills, and, when expire, in more conventional waste to energy furnace.
Or maybe Oleg venture into Big Society initiatives George Osborne promote in Budget’s No Tax and No Spend plan. Oleg very attract by idea of replace police with private security firm. His gang do full 666 Emergency Service. Just cost small fee, payment protection insurance (usually addresses of all your family and friends), and possibility he ask you do him favour sometime. (Not worry, Britain: weapons grade uranium he ask you hide usually come in lead container or at least biscuit tin.) Plenty excellent. Anyone annoy you not get off with fine or community service. Instead Oleg scatter them with Large Hadron Collider.
Oleg only able do this as tax cut. When tax higher, he avoid pay for silly public projects by keep cash for himself, with legal and illegal method. When tax gone, and he can have all money, he obviously spend on welfare of others. That is logic. Logic of Osborne tax strategy, starting with 50-40% reduction. It called Trickle Down Theory – or, since words evoke image of wealthy showering their gold on poor, taking the 10p.
