Bagehot on Parliamentary Violence
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop, we read Volga News coverage of UK MP Eric Joyce fisticuffment of Stuart Andrew, MP. Our paper uncover precedent for Parliamentary violence in writings of great British constitutional expert, Walter Bagehot. Obscure document, found in Bagehot unpublished papers at his death, may be used by Joyce in his defence. Here is extract (from English language edition).
Bagehot on Parliamentary Violence. Part II. House of Commons
Pursuant unto an Honourable or Right Honourable Member’s desire to establish that another Honourable or Right Honourable Member is a knave: The accusing Member must first satisfy himself and his conscience before God that the Member towards whom he directs the claim of knavery – or, to follow the formulation found in papers concerning the conduct of the King’s Council during the reign of Richard II, the Member on whom hee shalle playce him a tuattdom – is worthy of the charge.
Tuattdom, we infer, is an obscure term, denoting the state of being a “tuatt”, which we may consider as having the same force as “churl” or “dastard”.
From the same Ricardian papers, we find the citation of various grounds for the knavery accusation, videlicet:
Hee is guiltee of a tuattdom whose factionne does, with the knavyshe consorte of anouther faktionn, playe false unto the Healthe of the Nayshone and therein pursuethe refformes fram ye toppe dowwnn th’whych theey seyed theyy woold notte; orre
He does crosse hime ye floore severalle tyme and oft between fakcttionnes like to an whorssone traitrousse barbemonger; orr
Th’accusante likethe nott hysse fayce and findethe noone az dooe
Therewith satisfied, the accusing Member shall ensure that he and his accused repair to one of the privy hostelries of the House, that they therein may be fortified with liquors.
After some time, the accuser shall cry “Knave!” towards his accused. At this same instant, if the accused knows himself to be as his accuser styles him, he has no other recourse in conscience but to terminate forthwith his own wretched existence, by falling upon his sword or, if no blade can be availed, braining himself with a copy of Hansard.
However, the accused may recoil (in justice or in low cunning and hypocrisy) from the charge. He is at this juncture bound in turn to playce him a tuattdom upon his accuser, by returning the cry of knave. The accuser may by this counter-accusation be justly pricked, and being so, consider well his own knavery and perchance hasten himself towards self-slaughter.
It is to be admiringly noted that our Members today have respect for our great traditions, and mindful of the ancient condition of tuattdom they will oftentimes replace the shout of “knave” with one of “tuatt”. Mr Gladstone himself, I have heard tell, has been wont to mutter the word “tuatt” on spying Mr Disraeli.
Yet if the accuser still urges the tuattdom that he first essayed, then he must prove it upon the accused by force of arms. Should neither sword nor Hansard be near, an accuser shall first forewarningly urge “Have at you!” (Nota bene: since 1707, the Scotch Members have been granted leave to bray out “See you Jimmy!”, which is believed to be an invocation of the spirit of James I of England and VI of Scotland.) The accuser shall then strike the head of the accused, the seat of his allegedly malevolent consciousness, with his own impliedly blameless pate, at a suitable angular incidence and velocity to fell the Member.
After the blow, referred to in the Ricardian record as the “tuattyng”, should the accused fall and upon the instant perish, then the Serjeant at Arms shall find in favour of the accuser, and the accused be burnt and scattered upon common ground.
Should the accused Member remain yet upright, he is plainly wrongfully accused, and it is incumbent upon him to return the blow, skull for skull, and slay his slanderer.
Should, however, the accused merely fall to moaning and crying upon the floor of the House (in a manner described in the Ricardian papers as lyke a bigge gerylls blowsse) then the Serjeant at Arms shall consider the outcome moot and place both Members under arrest until such time as they can be cast naked upon the common highroad for the amusement of the general commonwealth, who on such occasions have seen fit to pursue the party they consider most dishonoured by the affray with hot spits and tongs and pitchforks, while honouring the other with pints of porter and goodly merriments.
