February 2012
15 posts
Power corrupts
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we reflect on basic realities of politic.
In few day, we vote in Russia Presidential Election. Or rather not vote. Stay at home. In system of managed democracy, outcome of election already is know. Putin win. So not have to vote. Plenty efficient.
And we very happy. (Except handful protestors, infected by unhelpful silly notion of democratic pluralism.) In...
In Praise of Workfare - and Toby Young
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we praise UK Workfare scheme of make benefit claimants do unpaid work experience.
Brilliant inversion of UK Coalition welfare reform strategy! Work and Pensions Minister Iain Duncan Smith, who make me wonder why great artists painting Jesus never made him bald (or Eurosceptic), lament barriers to work. Claimant take job, lose plenty benefit: high marginal...
Bagehot on Parliamentary Violence
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop, we read Volga News coverage of UK MP Eric Joyce fisticuffment of Stuart Andrew, MP. Our paper uncover precedent for Parliamentary violence in writings of great British constitutional expert, Walter Bagehot. Obscure document, found in Bagehot unpublished papers at his death, may be used by Joyce in his defence. Here is extract (from English language...
Dreamwork, Nightfare
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, I still shake after have terrify dream last night.
I dream I in shop, busy with my usual task – of supervise assistant Yuri doing all work. Then in walk Smolensk oligarch Big Oleg.
“Pavel,” he say. “How you like save money?” He reach into pocket and take out youth. Scruffy, sixteen years old boy.
“I’m clearing streets of these bone idle urchins,” continue...
Afansy Press Strategy
Hello! Here in butcher shop we chat with pornstar and leader of Smolensk Council, Afansy Dzherkov. He want make move into British press.
Afansy run Smolensk Sun. Though since he, being politician, also regulate it, he do it secret, with partner in life and business, Polina Kokov, acting as (full) front.
“UK perfect growth target for me Pavel,” say Afansy. “So Murdoch propose new title. But I...
Birthday Resolutions
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, I prepare for occasion of my birthday.
Usual treat await. Friends place minimum price on my alcohol of zero roubles, and joke that for one night I got Greek style credit rating at Happy Kalashnikov Bar, where my money not accept. Then they dunk me in drunk tank. Big plastic bath of vodka. Party got Triple A Rating: Alcohol, Alcohol, Alcohol!
But birthdays not...
A Valentine Poem for Sayeeda
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we got plenty big crush on Sayeeda Warsi.
Today, lovely Sayeeda - who is only woman with double digit IQ I have ever love - make speech saying religion is under attack. And on same day, Richard Dawkins launch study which prove religion is exactly what his infallible self say it is.
Inspired by this, I decide think what happen if Dawkins-like sceptic try woo...
NHS Mashup
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we think of past February 14 when we combine assistant Yuri special yak liver stew, Baked Siberia, and beaver blood sausage. And it give clue on how to save UK Coalition’s Health and Social Care Bill.
You see few year ago in shop, we worry some of Yuri product not get many buyer. His yak liver plenty palatable, provide you are get taste buds surgically remove....
Council Prayers
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we plenty dismayment at court decision to forbid prayers in at local council meetings in UK.
Local egghead Student Arkady dig out example of beautiful prayers that be lost.
Blimpton Borough Council Prayers
O Lord, hear the prayer of this goodly assembly, representative of your Creation, insofar as some of our members are almost as old. See into the hearts...
Big Oleg Global: the Standard for Healthcare
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, local oligarch Big Oleg, who is fan of UK Coalition NHS reform, proudly show off his bid to manage huge GP Consortium in Surrey.
Here is sample of bid document (which local egghead Student Arkady prepare and translate).
[Bid commence with preamble about how delighted Oleg is to help Coalition in mission to bring reputable private overseas expertise and...
Never Mind the Weather
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop we moaning about moaning about weather.
Ah, British friends! You is love have big grumblings about your climate. Especially when it is ‘snow’.
Now apology for put word ‘snow’ in invert colon or whatever they is call. I not do this just because ‘’ is nearest I will get to 69. (Russian male life expectancy is 58.) But because what you in Britain call snow, we...
In Praise of Chris Huhne
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we very sad Chris Huhne been charged with ask ex-wife to take driving points for him.
All aspect of life benefit from market solutions. Consider carbon trading. Countries and firms receive permits to produce carbon. They get incentive to reduce emission: if undershoot emissions allowance, they can sell permits to those who want emit more. Now critic is say...
The Shred Army
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we today launch global campaign to get Fred Goodwin knighthood reinstate.
Plenty enthusiasm. Once assistant Yuri get things clear – I tell him Fred Goodwin lost his knighthood, and he announce to baffle customers that John Goodman lost his Y-Fronts – he help me drum up big support. Our campaign, The Shred Army, has already attract huge number (9!) of local...
January 2012
4 posts
Ethical Capitalism
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, I have be ponder complex brain-crippling paradox of ethical capitalism.
This inevitably make me think of Harry Redknapp.
Recently, we discover what UK Coalition politicians mean when they mention this difficult concept. Business Secretary Vince Cable seem plenty head-slap furies when watch chief executives share wives, secretaries, amusing golf anecdote, but...
In Praise of IDS
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop we plenty admiration for welfare reformer Iain Duncan Smith.
IDS! That face he do when talk about poor: stare towards heaven like St Francis of Aseesaw. Apparently he perfect this look in ‘90s, whenever he in Maastricht rebel photoshoot and is goose by Theresa Gorman. And he got same saintly expression when he tell bishops they not stick up for poor by say...
Royal Yacht? Why not!
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, Yuri is make favourite boil beef pie.
I say boil beef. Actually, it old boot he find by canal. But Yuri special technique mean it plenty goodness. He simmer in hot salty water for three week. Then, when boot tender, he place big wrinkly mushroom inside, and wrap whole thing in special dough he use to make shoe pastry.
Mushroom inside Yuri confection resemble...
Executive Pay: the Smolensk Way
Hello and Happy New Year! Here in Smolensk butcher shop we recover from celebrate Christmas. This for us is feast with two backs. We do Western Christmas, 25 December to 6 January, then Orthodox from 7 January onward. However, we now plenty recoverment from spiritual state of fortnight’s alcoholic catatonia, and give view on vexating question of how decide what people is get pay.
Few year ago,...
December 2011
27 posts
Konnolsky on 2011. III: Politician of the Year...
So in final part of deliberating on great events of 2011, we consider who is Politician of Year.
Crowded field! Grant Shapps! This year he perfect his “Could you repeat the question?” Newsnight interview play-for-time technique by get schoolchildren in his constituency to ask his name, and he bravely volunteer to carry out first Big Society self-administered frontal lobe severance, despite...
Konnolsky on 2011. II: Businessman of the Year
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop we continue reflect on great events of 2011 by consider who was Businessman of Year.
There plenty strong local showing over past twelve month. Smolensk Oligarch Big Oleg bounce back from violent conclusion of failed takeover of notoriously aggressive UK soft furnishings empire, DFS, by break into instant food. Yak Pot will be market leader in 2012, displacing...
Konnolsky on 2011. I: Heroines of the Year
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we are get plenty nostalgism as end of year approach, and give much serious considerating to who is our heroes of 2011.
Of course there always big temptation play gallery and list all my reader favourites: Paul McMullan, President Assad, Rob Andrew, or even centrepiece of BBC holiday viewing, with own tribute show on Christmas Eve, John Craven. But it...
