May 2011
32 posts
The Apprentice Russia
Hello friends! Last week “The Apprentice Russia” finish. It was plenty controversy. Here story.
Throughout last few months, Me, Irina, the boys and my butcher shop assistant Yuri gather round TV once every week to watch “The Apprentice Russia”. This plenty similar to your UK show. As Volga News put it, “Fourteen contestant, 7 girl and 7 boy, cream of Russian business talent, with elite...
Coalition and Eurovision Celebrations
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop, we have big joint celebrating! Tonight is Eurovision Song Contest. Cream of European singing talent battle it out, like Sachs, Walther and Beckmesser, for title of “Meistersinger von Dusseldorf”. And of course we at end of week-long orgy of ecstatic indulgence to mark One Year of UK Coalition. Oh, we get very drunk here – as we sure you do in Britain – at...
Konnolsky UK Press Posts: I
Hello friends. Over last year I have make plenty comment on UK press articles. The full archive is at www.disqus.com/konnolsky But for convenience I reproduce here. This first post contain all my 2011 comments.
Post on Telegraph Article on Nick Clegg at Lib Dem Spring Conference, March 2011 (original http://bit.ly/mzU4Bx)
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop, we celebrate inaugural Nick Clegg...
Konnolsky UK Press Posts: II
Continuing series of posts in UK Newspapers.
Post on Telegraph blog: anger at cost of Higher Education, December 2010 (original http://bit.ly/k9LpID)
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop, Student Arkady show us advice he post online to UK students worried about fee rises.
DEALING WITH COST OF HIGHER EDUCATION Like students in UK, Russian youths face the problem of paying for Higher Education....
Konnolsky UK Press Posts: III
Continuing my series of posts in UK Newspapers.
Post on Telegraph article about pensions reform, October 2010 (original http://bit.ly/b2LdUm)
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop we worry better than expected UK growth figures show how far George Osborne is from achieve goal of double dip recession.
Osborne crave Big Society. Community action must replace state provision. Coalition Government...
Konnolsky UK Press Posts: IV
Continuing my posts in UK Newspapers.
Post on Telegraph blog about Vince Cable, September 2010 (originalhttp://bit.ly/iOg4ps)
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s today we deal with pedlars who sell meat products in street outside shop. We challenge them and say they not got permit. They say they bet our shop not got one either (which true) and shout plenty abuse. But with exertion of superior...
Konnolsky UK Press Posts: V
Continuing series of my posts in UK Newspapers.
Post on Telegraph article about STDs, August 2010 (originalhttp://bit.ly/bnNLoD)
Hello! Here in my Smolensk butcher’s shop, we plenty sympathising with stand taken on STDs issue by British MP Stewart Jackson, who right to worry at impact of sex education on British youth.
In managed democracy of Vladimir Putin, we approve of politicians being remote...
Konnolsky UK Press Posts: VI
Continuing series of my posts in UK press.
Post on Independent article on Russian Security Services, July 2010 (original http://ind.pn/akDZ4N)
Hello! Here in my Smolensk butcher’s shop, where today assistant Yuri is make his very tasty snake liver flans, we applaud action of Medvedev in strengthen our security.
Medvedev often suffer in comparison with Putin (who really still run things). First,...
Up Wall Piss Championships
Last year I represent Smolensk in great sporting event. Here is my tale, originally posted as individual tweets over a week.
UP WALL PISS THE WEST RUSSIAN REGIONAL FINAL TUESDAY NIGHT - ANTICIPATION In Spring this year, I won right to represent Smolensk in West Russian Final of great sport of Pissing Up the Toilet Wall. Winner get to compete in All Russia Grand Final. It without doubt greatest...
Konnolsky: The Search for God
Last summer I made search to find God. Not in spiritual sense. No. I want locate him. Here is tale, originally told as individual tweets.
THE SEARCH FOR GOD Last year, at time of forest fires in Russia, after I fail find Higgs Boson and but manage avoid death at hands of Major Komarov, I decide do something worthwhile. I search for God. To be clarifications: I not want religion experience. Not...
Fishing for Giant Pike Masha
Last summer I went fishing for legendary giant pike Masha. Here is tale, originally told in tweets.
FISHING FOR GIANT PIKE MASHA
One glorious warm Saturday this summer, me and assistant Yuri arrive butcher’s shop early. It been slow week and I have idea.
“Yuri, I not open shop today. Let’s go fishing!” “Great boss! River, canal or lake?” “Lake. The big...
My journey into space
Last year, I make journey into space. Plenty annoyment. Here is tale.
Space Adventure
Part 1 So, where I been for last week? Well mostly in outer space. Big drag! Last Saturday, Me, Yuri and Student Arkady in shop. We discuss post I made on Sex Education (http://disq.us/lhiq1) and laugh about Sexy Olga latest tattoo. (She have develop big crush on UK Higher Education Minister David Willetts,...
Epic Journey to Goldentwits Final
Last year, I won public vote in “Weird” category at Goldentwits Awards. Here is story of my epic journey to get to Finals.
Goldentwits journey
So Tuesday afternoon in shop Yuri and me watch recording of new Smolensk show “Sex Factor”. This cross between #xfactor and #scd. It devised and presented by Afansy Zherkov, local politician and international pornstar, together with his partner,...
Sarah Palin
I post on excellent Daily Kos website (http://www.dailykos.com/blog/Konnolsky/) piece on Sarah Palin and why she must become US President.
Why Sarah Palin Must be President
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop, we welcome likely decision of Sarah Palin to run for President. Everything point to her as best person for next US Commander in Chief.
In previous Diary, I celebrate great innovation...
Arkady's dream about Quentin Letts
Last year Quentin Letts, famous UK writer - it crack me up so much every time people call him “satirist”, like he in same category as Swift, Juvenal or Phil Cool that I am make small wee in pant - decide persecute civil servant. At that time, local egghead Student Arkady have dream.
ARKADY: I am in a big room with hundreds of people. We are identically dressed in utilitarian uniforms....
Nudge
When fascist newspaper UK Independent ban me, they choose pick their fight over this post I make on Nudge theory. They not nudge, so much as kick. But defeating censorship, here is post.
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop, we support Nudge theory develop by Professor Richard Tardis. It make perfect sense for shiny-faced, chinless genius David Cameron adopt Nudge thinking. If Big Society is...
Downing Street Press Release on Ed Miliband...
Volgaleaks obtained draft press release - later it is redactation - following Ed Miliband election as Labour Leader. Here it is.
PRESS RELEASE. RED ED MILIBAND ARRIVES AT THE FINLAND STATION – IN THE RAIN In his maiden leader’s speech at the Labour Party Conference in Manchester, city of Engels, Ed Miliband set out a reckless socialistic programme for Britain. Deploying cadences reminiscent of...
Language, truth, cleansing and Boris Johnson
Last year, Boris Johnson, Mayor of London and model for Vidal Sassoon, suggest change to housing benefit regulation is not going produce “Kosovo-style cleansing” in UK capital. Russian periodical “Volga Review of Books” take up theme and also interview local egghead Student Arkady. Please see article here (in Arkady translation).
LANGUAGE, TRUTH AND CLEANSING In October...
Smolensk Sputniks versus Cheltenham Ladies College
Last year my beloved Smolensk Sputniks, who play in Smolensk Sunday League of Football, play against formidable opposition. Here is account of game.
The Ugly Game
Today see return to Smolensk of our most formidable opponents, 6th formers from Cheltenham Ladies College. After disastrous defeat last year, Big Oleg get us do training session last night. Well, vodka and planning session. We decide use...
VOLGA NEWS: Coulson - The Truth!
When Andy Coulson resign as Communications Director of UK Government, Volga News Weekly publish exclusive on why it is happen. English language edition, which struggle with problems in language, here.
VOLGA NEWS WEEKLY: COULSON – THE TRUTH Andy Coulson’s departure from Downing Street on Friday was the climax of an extraordinary week in British politics (which also saw Shadow Chancellor Alan...
Leaked Downing Street Communications Memo: Summer...
Last summer, Volgaleaks obtain Downing Street memo reviewing communications successes of Government. Here it is.
COMMUNICATIONS REVIEW: PM, DPM, SELECTED CABINET, DIRECTOR GOVCOMS, CABINET SECRETARY OVERVIEW This paper highlights the successes of the first phase of the Coalition’s communications strategy, notes issues and suggests future actions. Overall, our assessment is extremely positive. The...
VOLGA NEWS coverage of Big Oleg Liverpool FC...
During takeover negotiating for Liverpool FC of Liverpool last year, there little coverage in UK press of rival bid from Smolensk oligarch Big Oleg. Here two pieces from Volga News, great Russian newspaper, that make amending.
VOLGA NEWS: BIG OLEG MAKES RIVAL LIVERPOOL FC BID After months of speculation, Smolensk Oligarch Big Oleg has today formally tabled a bid to control FC Liverpool of...
VOLGA NEWS coverage of UK Spending Review
Last Autumn, Volga News leaked details of UK Comprehensive Spending Review. Plenty controversy!
BRITISH CIVIL SERVANTS INNOVATE IN FACE OF CUTS
PART ONE Volga News has seen details of next week’s UK Comprehensive Spending Review. The Coalition Government’s deficit reduction plan points to 30-40% cuts in some departments, with fears of massive redundancies. (As we go to press the UK Cabinet Office...
What happened when UK Government kidnap me
Last Year, UK Government kidnap me. Plenty annoying! This is what happen.
What happened when UK Government kidnap me. (Autumn 2010) So, last Wednesday assistant Yuri and me in shop wait for statement on internet by UK Chancellor George Osborne, on what is call Aggregate Review of Spending by the Exchequer (ARSE). I moaning about my Ivan. “It completely dead. Look.” I clear some goat livers off...
Konnolsky Patent Fartercraft
Last summer I attempt launch new vehicle. Here is story, originally post as individual tweets.
During World Cup, my butcher’s shop assistant Yuri bake special goat pie. I try them one night: tasty, but because Yuri use intestines, plenty wind. Following morning I in bath when let out fart so powerful I blown onto bathroom floor. Have idea. Fart-based levitating. Possibly even new system of...
The Tale of Yuri's Ivan
This Spring, my butcher’s shop assistant Yuri is need delicate procedure on his Ivan. Here is tale.
Yuri is big fan of Fernando Torres. Last summer when Spain win World Cup he get Torres tattoo on his floppy Ivan. This complement rear one which say “I love Fernando”. But new one more daring. Ivan tattoo is full length image. Marvellous work of art! It is continuous action installation,...
Big Brother Russia
Hello. Here is my tale of last year’s infamous “Big Brother Russia”, which I originally post as individual tweets on Twitter. Hope you enjoy.
PREVIEW EVENING
Tonight butcher’s shop assistant Yuri and local egghead Student Arkady come round to watch first instalment Big Brother Russia 2010, with me and my wife Irina. We plenty excite. Series always controversial. In 2003, animal rights...
Three Anna Chapman Tales
Here are three stories (all originally told in individual tweets on Twitter) all connect by mysterious figure of Anna Chapman. She in news a lot last summer. Hope you enjoy!
STORY ONE: RUMSFELD AND THE MARTIANS During World Cup and around time of arrest of Russian citizens from US on allegations of espionaging, I disappear for few days. Irina get so worried she use my Twitter account to put word...
A (Russian) Christmas Pavel
In January, for Orthodox Christmas, local Smolensk egghead Student Arkady write me story. I so proud. Here it is.
A CHRISTMAS PAVEL PART ONE Cable was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The death was witnessed by the Prime Minister, the Deputy Prime Minister, the Culture Secretary, and the chief mourner. George witnessed it: and George’s word was good upon...
BBC Archive - Selections
Hello friends. Last year, I made many plenty posts on BBC website, before I was banned in outrage which not attract attention of UN Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon (surprise!) Full archive here: http://bbc.in/bEQ7dr, but some selections below.
Comment on First Leaders Debate (April 2010) on Michael Crick blog. (BBC removed it, but Times picked it up here: http://bit.ly/bqwP6i
Michael, if it is...
Smolensk Inaugural Nick Clegg Day
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop, we celebrate inaugural Nick Clegg Day! How we remember great occasion, almost one year ago, when we first see this Titan of Politic. We watch UK General Election Leaders Debate on internet. Of course, we know Gordon Brown and his easy Brezhnev charm. And following confirmation by Kosmonauts on International Space Station that his shiny head visible from...
Smolensk Information Broadcast 1
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