October 2011
12 posts
Epistle of St Paul's
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we read about scandal. Someone in authority at St Paul’s Cathedral in London rediscover text of little known Pauline Epistle. This was translated in time of British King James, but discard. Corporation of London have claim Epistle genuine. Patriarch Kirill, head of Russian Orthodox Church, say text is Apocryphal, based on ancient forgery, and threaten...
In Praise of Tory European Policy
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we marvel at genius of David Cameron policy on Europe.
First, Cameron plenty assist by brilliant Euro Septic wing of his party. On Monday they assert basic geopolitical principle: glaciation and continental drift cannot be wrong. Narrow, underminable strip of water prove Britain, country of warm bicycles and spinsters’ beer, is different. Britain, country of...
Yuri and the Cult. Part 4
Part 4. The Yak
It afternoon of day before Yuri dance of death. Smolensk Sputniks team are in back of large articulated lorry, heading along Northern stretch of City Ring Road. Apart from Stefan Sinonov (left back), who drive lorry. Actually most of us, apart from Tolya Serpensky (right wing), who in back of lorry with sausage machine, most of us are inside 5 metre high, 8 metre long plastic yak....
Yuri and the Cult. Part 3
Part 3. The Dance
“Yes, I’d like to join,” I say, feebly looking up at ceiling, as if towards orb. “Though tonight, I filling in for usual pizza man, you know, forget name, friend of friend, got bad cold…”
A whisper: “Bring him here.” Guards drag me towards man in chair. He swivel round and look straight at me. Small, thin, dwarfed by robe, young but completely bald, tiny eyes behind oblong...
Yuri and the Cult. Part 2
Well, Rapture not happen. Pity. I will have nightmares about kazoo 1812 forever. Anyway, here second part of story.
Part 2. The Compound
“What?”
“Leaving. It is for the best.”
“But why?”
“Our Lord Ray has seen the future Konnolsky,” say Shine. “He says the final Solar Conflagration is nearer than we think. We must increase our efforts to appease Majestic Sol. So Ray has commanded drastic action....
Yuri and the Cult. Part 1
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, I quietly serve customers, chat about football, flirt with Sexy Olga, who always very welcome to my blood sausage, and await the End of Time.
This year, theologian and outdoor pursuits enthusiast, Harold Camping, predict timing of Rapture. 21st May, 2011. As I understand from Volga TV Religion Channel, Rapture like this. US Midwest, location of cleverest and...
Volga News: Buy British Supplement
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop we reading Volga News Oligarch Special. Like FT’s How to Spend It supplement, with more rocket launchers. This week theme is Buy British!
Here English language edition.
Buy British
This week glorious Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov showed how to buy American, and hired Hollywood stars Hilary Swank and Kevin Costner for his birthday party. Political legitimacy and...
In Praise of Liam Fox
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher’s shop we love UK Defence Secretary, Dr Liam Fox.
Dr Fox! Brother of Dr Fox, owner of Dr Fox, inventor of Glacier Mint, father of Samantha, Megan and Jamie, nephew of Edward, distantly related to Basil Brush, who is, of course, Bruce Forsyth. And thinking of Strictly, Fox also inventor of the Liam Foxtrot, demonstrate by Edwina Currie on Saturday night: confident,...
Thank You for Sayeeda
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop, we huge excite that plenty sexy Chairman of Conservative Party, Baroness Sayeeda Warsi of Mensa, appear on Question Time tonight!
Now call me old-fashioned sentimentalist, but usually I prefer my women with what local egghead Student Arkady call “fully functioning ratiocinative system”. And yet despite fact Sayeeda talk like Dadaist Tristan Tzara...
Conservative Party Conference. My Dream. Part...
“Of course, we get some food Pavel,” my host continue. “Behold.” He point upwards. I look and see huge cage, hovering high in vaulting. Inside are fifty City financiers and hedge fund managers. They beat themselves and each other, and blood rain on my host and his three companions. They drink it eager, while caged creatures scream. My host smile and address me.
“Listen to them! Children of the...
Conservative Party Conference. My Dream. Part Two
“So, Pavel. We meet again,” say my host. “Are you awake? Are you asleep? And why are you here? First, relax. Eat.”
Familiar man, with orange hair and glasses, appear. He smile, then rotate through 180 degrees and hover horizontal to form table before me. Then, for seat, smooth Vince Cable head slip under my ass. Head complain bitterly, but my host ignore it.
“Now Danny,” say host. Table man...
Conservative Party Conference. My Dream
Hello! Here in Smolensk butcher shop this year’s glorious Conservative Party Conference revive memories of when UK Government minister kidnap me. And last night I have incredible dream. Or was it dream? Was he try communicate with me again?
I dream I in UK. Cheshire I think. In public house. Mock Tudor interior, tasteful taxidermy, chestnut framed 180cm Toshiba Plasma with rolling Sky Sports News...
